Nicknames: Herr Flick, consequence of a disturbingly reactionary fashion choice on the Tallinn tour; Two Eggs or 2X, a tribute to his culinary talents on the annual trapping expedition; also known as Professor MK Power – not really a nickname, more an acknowledgement of his towering intellectual status among a team whose average IQ is about four-and-a-half.
Preferred position: Hunkered down behind the goal with a a Camping Gaz and a couple of golden yolks sizzling in the pan while simultaneously contemplating life, the universe and the ephemeral nature of the Beautiful Game
Actual position: Goalkeeper, central midfield and the bench – often all three in the same game
First season: 1992-3
First tour: Berlin 1995 – suspiciously, he voz already zere!
Why the Kenchels? Blame Peter Aspden
Best Chels moments: Lisbon tour, second match on Sunday plus post-match lunch with the opposition
Worst Chels moments: The horrendous broken finger incident of 1998; the ‘class war’ pool game in Tallinn against El Tel and Missus Murphy. I quote:MKP: I’ve put one down. Missus Murphy: His sort have been putting us down for centuries…
Pre match ritual: Getting those muscles warmed up
After match ritual: Continue getting muscles warmed up
Most likely to say: I voz not in Nuremberg in nineteen zerty nine!
Least likely to say: I agree entirely, Wayne. You never touched him.
Ambition: Bribe EP to give me a single room on the next tour (need a little liebensraum, ja?)
Pen portrait: Professor MK “2X” Power is one of the world’s great eggs-istentialists. The goalkeeper-philosopher and eternal rebel is best known for his footballing endorsement: “All that I know most surely about morality and obligations I owe to the masterful, if slightly tubby right-back who plays in front of me – oh yeah, and Wayne of course.”
In his memoirs, The Future is Scrambled, 2X’s masterful accounts of the dread, boredom and enveloping nothingness that haunt the post-modern game (and the post-modern frying pan) were taken to heart by many – and irritated his mentors, including Camus, Sartre, De Beauvoir and Pope Jean-Paul II. Camus in particular was incensed to find his match stats were inferior to those of 2X. De Beauvoir always insisted that 2X was a hopeless optimist when he served anything ’sunny side up’.
Sartre, of course, never cracked even a joke, let alone an egg. Unlike Camus, Sartre and Orwell, MK Power has proved himself adept at not only frying an egg but seeing the absurdity of frying an egg – when it could be so easily be poached, scrambled, boiled or lightly tossed over raw steak in n’er do well Estonian restaurant.
MK’s adroitness is born of many an hour spent in the wilderness – where his natural talents have astounded the likes of Newbiwun, EP and Dot. In recent years, his focus has shifted to risk management – but he still can’t pick a National winner.
Like Brando, MK Power has a wild streak. When asked once what he was rebelling against, he responded: “Omelettes.” What a mind!
Dotden
