El Tel
Long march for the ‘Chels but a shed-load of goals for NPL
Given a few quid to spend on their footballing facilities, the powers that be at NPL decided that instead of upgrading the away dressing room – all cracked windows, peeling paint, arctic-like lack of heating, mouldy carpets, broken chairs – they would spend it on a few ‘No Parking’ signs forcing opponents to park in nearby Twickenham and walk two miles back to the ground.
Lad-iatorial combat for the saintly ‘Chels…
In Ancient Rome it was considered sport to throw Christians into the Colosseum and set untamed and hungry lions upon them. This cruelty was dreamt up by Caesar’s right hand man, a sadist by the name of Pullus Offus.
‘Chels come through bloody hell to win by a nose(s)
In May 1940, when Winston Churchill became Prime Minister, he told the country he had nothing to offer but “blood, toil, tears and sweat”. This is exactly what Kenchels had to offer today in this hard fought win against Kew. Blood came first from Newbod and then Tias when both got a whack on their respective schnozzes. The toil was collective as we battled away all over the pitch, sweat ditto, and the tears were tears of joy when the final whistle went and we skipped off with a long awaited win under our belts….although some of us also had excess Christmas Pud under our belts!
Holyport deliver a Triple dip depression for over-taxed ‘Chels
When George Osborne said in his Autumn Statement that the age of austerity is going to go on and on was he talking about the economy or the disastrous run of Kenchels’ results? Today we faced a deficit of three goals and we could have done with a bit of Quantitive Easing to improve our situation but it wasn’t forthcoming.
Bus passes fail to prevent a Hook victory against Old Guard
When England lined up against the All Blacks at Twickenham yesterday they were given no chance. New Zealand were unbeaten for their last 20 internationals and the bookies had them at 14-1 on to win. Similarly, few neutral observers would have given much for Kenchels chances against Hook as they fielded a mere eleven against Hook’s 18-strong squad, with three of the Chel’s eleven holders of free bus passes!
Comments