2011-12 Season

Perky Popes pinch record

When a waiter delivering champagne to George Best’s hotel room saw thousands of pounds of casino winnings on the bed and a scantily-clad Miss World lolling beside the bundles of notes, he famously asked the question: “Mr Best, where did it all go wrong?”

That same waiter asked the very same question of today’s game as we managed to throw away not only a two-goal lead but also our unbeaten record this season. After a tight start to the game we worked ourselves a two-goal advantage when Mrs M hooked on a through ball for Phil to run onto and push it past the keeper.

Top striker Phil had come on minutes earlier for the injured Marc and had already gone close with a spectacular bicycle kick. And Phil (aka the new Alex), this season’s prolific scorer, grabbed a second with a tap-in after a corner had been headed on by Mrs M.

We looked to be in control until, out-of-the-blue, Pope’s put in a cross that Danny Boy managed to head past keeper Goodhart at the far post. Play drew to a close when ref Prof Power blew for half-time; incidentally watch out tomorrow night on BBC1 when Prof P appears on Panorama to explain where all the BNP’s money has gone – presumably not solely on jackboots and black shirts then?

At half-time El Tel, nursing his groin, pulled himself off. His punishment for this act of self-gratification was dished out by headmaster EP who sentenced him to be the Man in the Middle (“that should be Man in the Mirror” said Michael Jackson from beyond the grave still looking for royalties for his kids – Prince, Paris and Blanket – all stupid names but not as daft as my mate who named his daughter Cabbage – not surprisingly she grew up to be a vegetarian – an odd choice of name but then again he was a Swede.)

And shock horror when early on in the half, Pope’s hit a speculative shot towards goal. Keeper G looked to have it covered but as he dived, the ball hit a bobble and bounced slowly and agonisingly over his prostrate body. Two-all and the wind was well and truly in their sails. They went to 3-2 when Kenchels stopped playing, anticipating a disputed throw-in being given – every schoolboy is taught to play to the whistle but most of the Chels must have been off sick that day!!!

They scored again to make it 4-2 when again the lesson of playing to the whistle was ignored.

It might have been 5-2 when Keeper G, catching a lofted cross, was bundled into the net by their number 7, Marlon. El Tel rightly blew for a foul and Marlon decided to let off a burst of abuse that even Stevie B could never manage. El Tel asked their captain to substitute him before he was sent off but the captain managed to calm Marlon down enough to apologise and to get El Tel to accept his apology and allow him to continue.

Who’d be a ref eh? No wonder Malcolm would rather be sitting behind the wheel of his double-decker quietly humming ‘the wheels of the bus go round and round’ to himself.

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