2009-10 Season
‘Chels overdrawn at the Bank…
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The Bank put away their first goal (I think) - click for more pictures, courtesy Alexa B
And so, dear readers, I pick up the pen once more. As I sit here, my quivering quill poised like that of a latter-day Dot-soievsky over a blank sheet of paper, it is hard to imagine that the last time I wrote to you was before Christmas.
Our erratic season has, I am afraid, careered ever more anarchically into 2010.
Admittedly, Stevie B has excelled himself with his self-control and all-round motivational skills in recent games. Tom Taw’s brain is still missing but it hasn’t affected his game. El Tel can still turn on a sixpence, although it does take him 20 minutes to do it (a 20 per cent improvement on last season). Newbs stills speaks Scottish – well, we think it’s Scottish – and Alex still struggles with the concept of the square ball.
El Presidente, meanwhile, continues to pull players off willy-nilly, much to the amusement of myself and Euan. My own role at the back never looked safer. Sorry, that should have read roll, as in cheese and pickle.
Anyway, so to this week’s debacle. Craig had suggested we join in the annual Sport Relief thing and each wear the ‘Shirt of Hurt’, of the team that is our nemesis, to raise some dosh.
I won’t bore you with the details but, knowing nothing about football, the only shirt that hurts me is the ‘Chels old Argentina kit which was never designed with the fuller figure in mind – as you can see from the pictures – ably supplied by one Alexa Belsham, who takes a shot almost as well as her Dad stops ‘em. No only kidding, Craig, she is much better than you!
The shirt to worry about on this sorry day, however, was our own blue and burgundy whose colours seemed somewhat faded after 90 minutes in which we failed to convert chance after chance and allowed a couple of stupid defensive errors to cost us the game.
Even more galling was the fact that the guy who played a major part in at least two of the Bank goals was about 4ft 2in and was winning everything in the air. How does that work? Their first goal came about 15 minutes in. Can’t remember the exact details but the little fella had something to do with it.
We were still in the game though and there were chances for Alex in particular, whose footwork out on the right took him past their defender and allowed him to push the ball across for John Murphy to tap home.
One-one. You’d have thought the sight of Alex playing a square ball might have cowed the opposition – but it didn’t.
Their second came from a break as most of the ‘Chels were appealing in vain for offside. The ball crossed in for the little fella to head home – his marker, EP, having failed to track back. Myself and MKP, both sidelined for the first half, covered our eyes at the horror. No, not true. We were in stitches.
At half-time EP got the hairdryer out and did a quick shampoo and set on himself for that goal. Afterwards, he turned on the rest of us. We weren’t trying hard enough…bla…bla..bla…bla. You get the picture.
Stevie B listened as only Stevie B can listen. He was thinking, ‘Do I have to do everything mySELF!’ He got back on that pitch and promptly went through the back of their forward to give them a clear penalty, which they slotted deftly enough. Three-one. We were fading and the Bank started bossing midfield.
Things went from bad to badder. Mo got carded for stamping on someone’s foot (could have been his own for all I know, the ref’s decisions were almost as erratic as our performance).
Craig slipped as he kicked out to Tommy T, who should have put it straight into touch. As it turned out, he did just enough to trap the ball for their forward to nick it off his toes and score.
There was a brief false dawn after Mo managed to head one in at the other end – but it was too little too late. Craig stopped the Bank going even further ahead with a couple of very good saves – one over the bar I think and one low down to his right.
To think, we could have scored six in the first half alone. Anyway, we raised a couple of hundred quid for Sport Relief so that’s no bad thing. We should have combined it with Red Nose Day to cover up our embarassment.
What a fine figure of a team - you can see what I mean about the Argentina shirt, eh?
Tags: defeat Discussion
10 comments for “‘Chels overdrawn at the Bank…”
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Thank god I wasn’t there, the thought of having to wear either an MK Dons or Scotland shirt left me shivering and cowering in a corner.
Where is the Sporting Gijón shirt?;)
Ah Luis – the Sporting Gijon shirt is loved by everyone therefore it could not be worn
Blinkin ‘eck … the photos are brilliant! We need Alexa there EVERY week. Why have we had to put up with dotCanot’s amateurish efforts all these years? Finally someone who can work a camera …..
The match report’s author is rather quick to blame the team’s illustrious player/manager for not chasing back to stop Shorty sliding in BoE’s second goal. Whilst this was freely owned up to at half-time (see how easy it is to admit that you’ve screwed up, Steve?), it was not meant to relieve our chubby chum at right back, past whom BoE’s left wing skipped merrily whilst our back line argued amongst themselves about offside. I expect you’d recognise their left winger from the back, Den … ?
Schmoberto!
Alexa’s photos are INDEED brilliant. If you look at the one where we score our second goal, you’ll see the keeper palming your header into my path as I bear down on him and charge the ball over the line!
Another EP special!
Ah zese fotos zey are, ‘ow you say, fantastique!
I don’t remember any left winger skipping past me – mind you, I didn’t remember the score either! Yours amnesiacally…
I have been engaged on behalf of my client, Mr Chubby Right-Back. I must inform the court that my client was not on the pitch at the time of the second goal – even though he may not have realised this himself due to short-term memory loss – and accepts no culpability. In fact, my client was on the touchline when the second goal was scored laughing his socks off. Therefore, we enter a not guilty plea, M’lud. We also suggest Mr T Taw, whom we believe to have been the true culprit, enter a plea of diminished responsibility when he has a moment.
Oo-er, dotSven … you are quite right. It was scored near the end of the first half, when Tommy “Tiptoe” Taw was in office. He won’t remember either though