2009-10 Season

Bank crisis as ‘Chels go back in the black

March 22, 2009
10:30 am	to	12:30 pm

Pictures from the game here»

There were no bonuses for the bankers this weekend – in fact, they were left in the midst of a Great Depression, torn apart by a second-half performance with a high interest rate – easily our best of the season so far.

Not only did we win in glorious autumn sunshine but we had the rare treat of all our ‘keepers turning out – Dave G, Craig, Tommy T, MKP and Wayne – a veritable conjunction of goalies that only comes about once every 300 years according to Statto, a bit like Haley’s Comet.

Plus we had the boy Gav on the touchline, over for the weekend from the Auld Country and settling nicely into his new school over there, you’ll be pleased to hear. And, according to Statto, it was my own 300th appearance in a ‘Chels shirt.

Actually that 300 may not be quite accurate given that:

1. I’ve probably played more minutes for the opposition than anyone else – even when I’ve been in a ‘Chels shirt if you know what I mean, Craig!
2. Tom Taw has spent more minutes sucking half-time oranges than I’ve actually spent on the pitch

And so to the game. It was fairly even early on (despite the referee’s best efforts of which I shall say no more) but the ‘Chels rarely looked like conceding. Cliff was pinging the ball around from the left-back slot with impunity (whoever he is) and we looked threatening on the break, especially when Alex let rip down the right.

About halfway through, a 50-50 challenge in midfield ended with Cliff taking an almighty whack on the knee and having to come off – and being booked to boot. A quick bit of juggling saw the boy Craig move into central defence, with Stevie B covering for Cliff from his midfield slot.

Within a few minutes, a Stevie B corner ended with Jake heading onto the bar for what looked like a certain goal – only for Craig to follow up and make sure. One-nil to the ‘Chels. And that is how it stood at half-time, when Tel and Tommy T came on for myself and EP (I think). EP had to come off because he’d had their diminutive No 15 in his pocket throughout the half and he couldn’t take the weight any more, at least that’s what he told me.

The second half began ominously. Ten minutes in Tommy ‘Wobble’ Taw – who redeemed himself mightily later – sliced a ball instantly taking Craig, defending behind him, completely out of the game and setting their forward up for a easy run into the penalty area. He danced past Wayne, so Stevie B decided to mount him from behind (the forward that is, not Wayne) and conceded the penalty, which the Bank put away. One-all.

The abuse Tommy T got from Mr Bartholomew was apparently so bad that even the opposition told him not to be so rude, I kid you not. ‘You can’t call him a twat, you twat!’ or words to that effect.

It was Tommy T who had the last laugh though. Fifteen minutes later, Tom B found his path to goal blocked so he turned and laid the ball off for TT, who side-footed from just inside the penalty area past the flailing keeper to score a terrific goal. That Tommy T grin was as wide as it’s ever been.

By now we were bossing the game, with many more chances than the Bank. You could say the exchange rate was in our favour. Our passing was crisp and fluid. Terry B, at right-back but soon to be a striker, had a shot that might have gone in – had he not hit in into Row Z.

Lots of movement, great running and outstanding skill on the ball – it would be wrong to single any one player out. Everyone played brilliantly.

The second goal was a killer for Bank but the ‘Chels were far from safe. We desperately needed a third goal – well, to be honest – given our recent performances – another half dozen to be sure of victory. It was Jake who got the finisher, however, with no more than ten minutes to go.

Bank were pressing in our half. The ball came out and was picked up by TT, who slid a first-time ball into the path of Alex, who ran down the left as Jake came through the middle. Briefly two on one, Alex squared to Jake (a rare treat) who shot from 25 yards, grazing the underside of the bar and beating their vertically challenged keeper.

For the next ten minutes, we were praying on the touchline that we wouldn’t repeat last week’s fiasco when 3-1 with minutes to go we ended up drawing 3-3. But no, dear reader, the ‘Chels had invested too much in this game to see the bankers take victory. Our account is definitely back in the black.

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