2006-7 Season

Meadhurst Vets 3 Kenchels FC 2

By Neil ‘Wurzel’ Andrews

As I pulled my muck-spreader up outside the boss’s office after an absence of three years, there was a little bit of me still wondering how the turnips were getting on. I needn’t have worried – they hadn’t changed a bit!

Newbod opened the door and immediately forgot who he was, why he was there and where he’d put the Barcelona kit. EP, who had some reason to be confused with at least 11 players out this week, was tethered to the phone putting his standby squad together.

When we finally arrived at the BP ground, Stevie B showed up and berated us for playing the opposition on-side in the car park. He was definitely up for it, bit like my prize bull, oo-arr oo-arr, and seemed determined to make up for Wayne’s absence (ie he was going to kick me in the head if I didn’t perform!).

Once I’d got me smock and wellies off and donned the legendary red and blue, I was back to my normal self. Matt, also making a return after an extended absence, did his best to make me feel at home by performing a ‘combine harvester’ on one of the Beeps from behind just three minutes into the game. To be honest, the pitch could have done with a good combine-harvesting itself – looked like my cabbage patch!

About ten minutes in, Dave C was unlucky enough to get done for pushing in the area. It was a soft penalty and the ref admitted later that he hadn’t realised it was in the area to begin with and that it had been a harsh decision. As Craig said later, the ref was close enough to give a foul but not close enough to see the lines of the penalty area.

Nevertheless, they scored from it and now we were up against it. Udder calamity, if you ask me.

Fortunately the boy Matt done good and put us level, about 20 minutes in, with a low, well-struck shot into the bottom left corner. Euan followed up with some great play on the half-way line that ended with John Murphy picking out EP, who slotted a top-drawer (or possibly smock drawer) finish past their keeper. And so we ended the half, two-one up.

The Beeps – Dicky, Dogger and co – continued to press us in the second half. Their equaliser was a comedy classic which involved a long-range shot from midfield which hit their tubby bald bloke on the head (he had been trying to get out the way of it). Craig got a hand to it but not enough to divert it out of the back of the net. Two-two.

About this point Stevie B came in for a bit of abuse and was victim to several crunching tackles but managed to hold his own. Wayne, of course, would have killed someone had he been there – most probably, me, from habit really.

Their winner was also a bit of a joke. Having played in the Massey-Ferguson Sunday League for a few seasons now, I think I can spot the difference between a ref and a pile of manure. In this case, Stevie B conceded a free kick against Dogger, Digger or Bugger by our right-hand corner flag. The resulting free kick was a good one to our far post, where they used Euan as a human stepladder to head home. No free kick there though. Manure!

Fair’s fair, we didn’t create enough chances to win – but, as Craig has commented, neither did they.  They were certainly worried by the pace and trickery of debutant Tias and seemed to double up on him whenever he was on the ball. But they also seemed to get all the breaks whenever the ball ran loose.

Anyway I had  a great runout – stepping into Dotden’s boots is always challenging (Only one mention of me, and that was it. Dot). I’d just like to say thanks to the Boss for giving me a game. Most of the vets I know normally have their hands up a cow’s backside so it was great to see a bunch of vets who could play football and still look like they had their hands up a cow’s backside.

Stevie B adds: Some good performances (in my opinion) from Euan, EP and Neil Andrews. The pitch was awful, the victory for Meadhurst was a hollow one (as it always seems to be) and we will have to wait a little longer before we wipe the smile from the face of Dogger/Digger/Dugger.

EP adds: We don’t want ANY, ANY ,mention of dotDen in this match report. Neil was superbo and was man of the match other than Steve and possibly ME!

Dotden adds: Bollix to the lot of yez. Neiloid get back in that cowshed!

Dotden adds more: Sorry EP, I couldn’t resist.

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