2006-7 Season
Kenchels FC 3 Imperial College 1
Imperial were beaten before they even started. For this Kenchels victory was written in the stars. I know this because our very own seer of seers, El Tel, pronounced a three-one victory in the dressing room before kickoff – his second accurate prognostication in a fortnight.
If I had crossed his palm with silver, our Fortune Tel-ler (Geddit, Tel?) might have also forecast what a crap game I was going to have and I could have stayed in bed instead of trotting around in the mud aimlessly for the entire second half, for the boss had an original squad of 16 for this fixture and consequently plenty of tactical options open to him.
Admittedly, these options were narrowed slightly by the late arrival of Tommy T, the only man in the side whose confirmation emails arrive after he does – and by the absence of the boy Stevie B, who got plastered last week and is still recovering.
Anyway, we started with a fairly normal lineup – Jake and Alex up front with a back three of Tel, Arif and KH Dave, who’d gone to extremes at the barbers to reduce wind resistance down the left flank.
We started well and Imperial could not get out of their half. We pressed them whenever they had the ball and their defence showed signs of panic. An attempted clearance on the edge of their box rebounded from one of their own players and was picked up by Alex, who deftly lofted the ball over the keeper and into the back of the next. Great goal! Minutes later, Alex was forced off with a recurrence of his achilles problem and on came the boy Euan (I think).
Alex was followed shortly after by Jake, who went off with a hamstring problem. He was replaced by the grinning leprechaun, Tom Taw, up front.
The pressure continued. Every time Imperial broke into our half, they were either forced out so wide that the ball ran out or Arif took the ball off them. Craig nipped out for a plate of egg and chips at one point, I believe, and I was most miffed he didn’t bring me back some.
About 20 minutes in, Tom B received the ball on the edge of the box, realised he had time and laid it delicately along the line of the box for Dave to drill a swerving rocket into the left corner.
Our third came from a great piece of vision by Tommy T who laid the ball off for GB, who came down the left flank and put in a perfect cross for John Murphy, who headed it home beautifully. Three-nil – we were all over them.
If truth be told, this was not a great Imperial side but they did uphold the tradition of being niggly little ****s whenever possible – their number 20 in particular. He was silenced by one ‘hard-but-fair’ Arif tackle and limped off shortly after only to reappear for a mediocre cameo role in the second half.
As the whistle blew for half-time, ‘Chels were in the driving seat. Craig had not seen a single shot and had gone to ground once in the entire 45 minutes. If things continued like this, it’d be six, seven, eight-nil maybe. Hurrah! T’was not to be, dear reader, t’was not to be.
The second half was entirely different. I came on for a start and Newbyboots came on in the holding role. Imperial seemed to have pulled themselves together. While we still had many more chances, they were more threatening and started to win corners. Our defence looked ragged (especially on my side, where I had several ‘oh f***’ moments).
The pressure culminated in Arif being penalised for pushing in our area. The resulting penalty beat poor Craig who, to be honest, hadn’t had to save anything up to that point.
And so that was how it ended. Next week it’s Bee-fecking-Pee – a team we’ve never beaten. Onwards to victory, fellow ‘Chels!
Discussion
4 comments for “Kenchels FC 3 Imperial College 1”
Post a comment
dotMemoryMan
You are getting better (at reporting anway). However, a couple of crucial corrections for our goals number 2 and 3.
Goal number 2: Tom B received the ball (from John or me, I think) on the edge of the box, realised he had time and laid it delicately along the line of the box for Dave to drill into the left corner (nice little bend on the shot too).
Goal number 3: Tommy Taw received the ball (can’t remember from whom) on the edge of the box and, with execellent vision, sprayed it wide left to the galloping GB, who flighted a lovely cross for John to nod in unmarked.
Oh yes!
Boss you must be losing your marbles. Report is 100% accurate (well, t’is now!)
Dotden – concluded it was not worth trying to save the penalty as ref would only have insisted on it being retaken!
The chicken bones never lie.