2005-6 Season

Kenchels FC 2 Teddington Vets 6

Up to five goals is journalism. After that, it becomes statistics. This was a sorry day for the ‘Chels and an even sorrier one for yours truly, who cleverly gifted the opposition three goals and left the pitch feeling like a right tit instead of a right back.

Mike ‘Two Eggs’ Power, returning to goalkeeping duties after his extended absence, will probably have nightmares about it for weeks to come.

It was a cold, cold day and a freezing fog shrouded the civil service ground as we kicked off under the supervision of referee Pierluigi ‘Problem’ Asquith. Within minutes I set the tone for the day when the opposition pounced on a hospital pass I’d played inside to Stevie B. One-nil.

The second goal came not long after when I dived in on their number 11, a guy called JC, who proved to be my nemesis.

‘Chels elsewhere on the pitch were actually dominating the game and we had several chances – including a Euan header and a Gavin blaster. Robin, Gavin, Euan and Alex were linking up nicely and at two-nil down, victory still looked possible.

At half-time, Alex went off with a hamstring injury. Wayne came into central defence, Stevie B moved into midfield with GB and Pierluigi Newbod reffed.

For the first 15 minutes of the second half, they hardly had a touch. Robin missed from close range and they were really under the cosh. We were winning every header in their box and it looked like a matter of time before we nicked one back.

Stevie B in particular seemed to make a difference in midfield – pinging some great balls in to Robin, Gav and Euan. He also put some superb corners in but we failed to make them count.

But woe, woe and thrice woe. JC gets the ball out wide, the Weakest Link dives in again, JC races past again and puts the ball in the back of the net. Not long afterwards, the same thing happens to Terry and we are four-nil down.

Four-nil! Heads were going down and we lost our shape for a good quarter of an hour. I can’t recall their next two goals but it was pretty much the same routine for both.

Playing for pride now, the ‘Chels continued to pressure the Teds’ goal and eventually Gavin nicked one back after Robin set him up. A second came from Euan, set up by Gav.

If we’d had another hour left, we might have beaten them. But Pierluigi blew the whistle and it was all over. Let’s hope the losing streak is out of our system now or next week’s game against the Japanese could be very painful.

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