2005-6 Season
Bank of England 3 Kenchels FC 3
The Mighty Blues fought back gloriously from 3-2 down despite playing a significant chunk of the second half with only ten men. With outstanding performances from ‘Chels all over the pitch, this was truly a game worthy of the turf on which those heroes of ‘66 once trained.
John Murphy was outstanding up front alongside a rampant Alex. EP was pinging glorious balls down the channels, carving up their defence with the precision of a Gary Rhodes chopping garlic. And of course, in defence, there was the illustrious Caretaker Wayne, stopping just about everything.
Things had started ominously. We had only a bare 12 and that was nearly down to 11 when a slightly Chesty EP of Chels made the mistake of going into the changing room lav after someone who shall forever be known as Guffa had been in there. Poor EP was hit by a wall of fragrance that very nearly had him chucking his lungs up and incapacitated him for several minutes.
More ominously still, we had not one but TWO Arifs in the squad – Arif, are all your mates called Arif? Anyway Arif Mk 2 was instantly known as Jaffa for some reason.
The game got off to a good start for ‘Chels. The passing was crisp and threatening and our defence seemed rock solid. It was fairly early on that John Murphy got on the end of a ball bubbling around the keepers’ area to put us one up.
The pressure continued. Their forwards were getting nothing and it was all us. Alex slotted a second and it seemed we might be cruising to victory. Not quite.
Now a little bit of over-confidence set in. After a faultless first half hour, Dotden starts playing little triangles too close to home and the inevitable happens. The Bank swoop and score.
The goal lifted them and Craig was having to work a bit between the sticks and went down bravely at their feet a couple of times.
As the second half began, he pulled off one magnificent save, flipping the shot around the post but also managing to collide with the goalpost at the same time. As a result, his contact lens flipped out and he had to go off for a good ten minutes or so to sort it out.
Mr Versatility, aka Ukelele, donned the keeper’s shirt temporarily and we’re down to ten men for the first time in the game. Shortly afterwards, they break down the right and cutback along the line for a second goal. Despite Craig coming back on, a third followed not much later after a bundle in the goalmouth.
At this point a little Kenchels steel showed itself. We’d been a little sleepy at the start of the second half but the two goals seemed to galvanise us. Slowly we started to come back into the game.
John Murphy showed the way over on the left, where he drove his defender nuts with his superb turns – not to mention his quickfire repartee (I said not to mention that). EP was a veritable Sabatier in midfield, putting superb balls through for the likes of Alex and John to run onto. Tom Bradbury was everywhere, as usual.
At one point John stretched too far for a tackle and ended up with his head apparently superglued to the turf for a good two minutes. Some thought he was trying to burrow his way off the pitch. I still haven’t worked that one out.
Suddenly ke-rrrrr-unch. Arif goes down like a bull elephant after a crunching tackle in our area. Moaning in pain, we all fear the worst. It’s his knee, it’s his knee. Oh no it isn’t, it’s his ankle. Off he hobbles and once again we are down to ten.
This time a new Mr Versatility steps forward – one EP of Chels, who boldly steps into the central defensive role. Maybe it was Arif going off – hehehe – but suddenly we we all raised our game. Despite being a man down, it was suddenly us threatening the Bank’s goal.
Alex was cutting and weaving his way down the right side, backed up by Tom B. And it was a Tom B cross that finally got us the equaliser, after the ubiquitous John Murphy got on the end of it.
Ten men and we get a draw. What would have happened if Stevie B had been available on the bench where he belongs instead of swanning off all over the globe? Well, I guess that’s the 64 million dollar question.
Next week, its Old Salesians and – in the absence of EP and Guffa – guess who’s in charge? Yes, it’s your worst nightmare. An idiot with a football team! Hahahahahah.
The lineup: Craig, Tom T, Wayne, Dot, Guffa, Tom B, Gavin, Arif, EP, Alex, John Murphy. Subs: Jaffa for Guffa (how’s that for poetic!) who reffed the second half.
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