2005-6 Season

Kenchels FC 7 Brymah’s Big Boys 1

Any game that starts with Alex flicking doggy plops out of the goalmouth with a twig is never going to be pretty – especially since most of the shit just moved further up the pitch instead of off it. This was not a pretty game.

Brymah turning up with seven players – or was it eight? It didn’t help the day. But after cajoling a couple of subs from another game and roping in our very own Paul G to play for them, we got off to a reasonable start.

On the one hand there was the tireless wit and fantasy football of Paul ‘It’s What the Fans Want’ Greengrazza. On the other, there was the boiling mass of rage that is Stevie B on a bad day.

By halftime, we were two up. The first came when Stevie B played a nice ball through to put Alex in on goal. The second came from a stylish Kevin Gallan drive from the edge of the box. But towards the end of the half, we’d come under a bit of pressure – well, frankly, this wasn’t a real game, was it, and did we really need to work so hard?

Some of us were bit slow tracking back – ahem – and Stevie B’s ‘encouragement’ only provoked a very meaningful ‘Fuckoff, Steve’ from me, which provoked another torrent from him. Paul G meanwhile was loving every minute – ‘They’re running out of ideas, lads…just a matter of time’, or words to that effect. He was on top form at least.

At halftime, they lost another couple of players so myself and Euan went over to the other side, with Pierluigi Newbod continuing to ref.

They were creating chances coming forwards but were wide open at the back. Jake scored early on after Alex picked up a poor clearance and set him up. At this point, memory becomes a little blurred…

There were two free kicks on the edge of our box, from one of which Brymah scored – putting the ball easily past our wall. The second – or maybe the first – free kick came after a two-footed tackle from our Stevie took out one of their forwards. You could tell from his protestations that Steve was not a happy bunny.

Moments later, Stevie has the ball coming out of defence and puts the ball round one side of their player and he goes around the other…lad goes down and it looked to many as if Steve had kicked the guys head on the way.

Uproar. Accusations. Tom Taw races to Steve’s defence. Pierluigi says it’s not a foul. The opposition are raving. Stevie gets his shirt off and starts that long walk to the dressing room. You could almost hear the grass sizzle with every footstep.

Well, game over really. Pierluigi now had to play and ref to make the numbers. Their side had lost interest and started trying to see how far they could dribble without losing it. Passing was forgotten and Kenchels were all over them.

Kev got three more goals before the end but nobody – except Kev, of course – was particularly interested. In the pub afterwards, conversation was muted but we still ate the chips supplied by four-goal hero Kev. The one thing we all agreed on is, things would have been very different if EP hadn’t been in Kings Lynn.

The lineup: Tom Taw, Tel, Jamie (Alex’s mate), Stevie B, Den, Tom B, Gav, John Murphy, Euan, Jake and Alex. Subs: Den played for the opposition, Newbods reffed and played after Steve’s untimely exit.

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