2004-5 Season

Hairdressers XI 4 Kenchels FC 3

By Dot and EP (His Official Aide Memoire)
It was enough to make your hair stand on end. Kenchels go three up but somehow manage to lose the game in the last five minutes.

Now, admittedly, the Hairdressers did have a couple of secret weapons on their side – me and Terry screaming down the right flank, as opposed to ‘Chels, who had Stevie B screaming at everyone.

Chels had started fantastically, despite the stirling efforts of the Hairdresser’s keeper, one ‘Caretaker’ Asquith who looked a vision of loveliness in his lemon yellow shirt and funny hat.

We Hairdressers were stretched with only ten men and after 30 mins Jake popped a header in from an Alex corner. ‘Chels scored again five minutes later when Wayne comically tried to head the ball outside the area – only to see it bounce over his bonce leaving an open goal for Jake.

In the second half a quickly released ball (from Jose, I think) allowed Alex to round Wayne not far into the Hairdressers’ half (what was he doing there?) to slot in ‘Chels’ third (though it would never have happened in a real game coz The Caretaker would have "taken ‘im out"!).

Unfortunately, slotting the goal was Alex’s last contribution and he then limped off. Worse still, as Robin handed over the whistle to Alex so that he could take on reffing duties us Hairdressers took the opportunity to score – shades of Madrid, game 2, for those that remember.

Five minutes later, Gavin also limped off leaving us nine against ten. Not good when their average age (even with Tel, Wayne and Dot in tow) was about 23-and-a-half!

‘Chels held out manfully for a while but eventually conceded a goal and with about ten minutes to go, another. The Hairdressers’ right flank was ablaze with the quickfire skills of Dot and Tel, who between them were turning the ‘Chels defence inside out. No, really!

At this point Screamin’ Stevie B quietly remonstrated with the rest of the team that their performances were not good enough and needed to be improved.

This, he said, would best be done by everybody playing like him (or ideally ten clones) but as this was not possible, the best that could be done was for him to push up into midfield where his superior fitness, commitment and aggression would be best employed.

So he did and EP dropped back into the middle of defence. Steve’s first touch saw him lose the ball just inside our half and sit down to a nice cup of tea whilst his assailant, Attila and his hordes, charged on through at goal.

The defence repelled that attack and a few more, but ultimately, with 45 seconds to go, when Sarn’t Major Stevie B lost the ball for the umpteenth time, a ball whipped into the box was despatched for the Hairdressers’ winner.

So, 3-0 up and a 4-3 defeat. If only EP had played Super-Steve up front from the start. ‘Chels might have lost 10-0!

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