2004-5 Season
We’re eager for Riga!
This year’s tour destination will be Riga, the capital of Latvia and heart of the Baltic States. EP confirmed the destination today after weeks of consultation with senior members of the team’s executive. Target date for the annual extravaganza is the weekend of May 21-22.
Riga is an exceptionally interesting place. After all that carping about Mrs Murphy’s dress sense last year – remember the Albanian hod carrier gags – we are now going to a city where the hod carrier look is very definitely le chic this season.
Sadly for Stevie B however, the Baltic is not the home of the legendary Balti Curry (which was the main reason he agreed to go).
A few things worth knowing about Riga. Half a litre of beer costs around 30p a bottle. A litre of the local firewater is just over two quid. Local cuisine is described invariably as ‘fun and funky’ and the speciality is a bacon bun called a piragi.
Of course, as seasoned international athletes, we will exercise all due professional restraint when confronted with such temptations, for football is a tough game in Latvia.
For instance, to qualify for the Virsliga, teams are required to enter their name as anagrams. Top teams thus include Liepajas Metalurgs and Ventspils. Goalmouth scrabbles are hence quite common.
Latvian women are big blonde and beautiful and – thanks to years of oppression under the Soviet yoke – capable of laying a line of 200 bricks in half an hour. They have an in-built soft-spot for Albanian hod carriers as a consequence.
You have been warned.
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