2004-5 Season

Kenchels FC 6 Old Dorkinians 0

It was a bad day to be from Dorking. Not only did ‘Dorks’ lose this game 6-0 but they were unfortunate enough to come up against one of the giants of the modern game in peak form. But, dear reader, I shall return to this theme.

We were shorthanded, thanks to Wayne’s skiing obsession and Tom Bradbury’s adventures in in the rainforest. We had no Craig or Dave either and ‘Abdul’ Newbod was excused football because of a dodgey shoulder.

So the boss had a bit of a manpower prob. He roped in Euan from the other week, Andy, Dave from the Kings Head and blast-from-the-past Chris Allen, a one-time regular ‘Chel. Tom T was bravely ‘volunteered’ for goalkeeping duties.

Meanwhile Stevie B pulled his shorts up around his neck and pretended to be Wayne at the centre of defence (thereby totally confusing Mr B Senior, who didn’t know quite which bit of the touchline to stand on).

We started off quietly. They were certainly no slouches going forward and for the first 20 minutes or so it was pretty even. But Alex was getting around the back of them more and more and was giving their left-back nightmares (See the pictures HERE, folks)

We got our first from a Stevie B corner – I think Jake got a head to it. I think our second went straight in from another Stevie corner.

Four-nil up at half time – boyz help me out with the scorers here – and it was clear the game could have gone either way (well, possibly not). The Boss weighed up his options and with a flash of insight put me out left midfield and Chris Allen on the right. We never looked back.

We nicked another one – can’t remember who potted that. We had loads of chances, with Andy, Euan and Alex linking up on the break and running them ragged. It was from one of these runs that the game’s great turning point emerged.

Alex put a cross in from the right, having gone round their left-back once again. It was too high for Andy to get his bonce too. For a moment, the ball seemed to hang in mid-air just behind me then, with all the poise and agility of a jungle cat, I pounced upon it with my right and watched it rocket – sorry, trickle – across the line.

Of course the crowd went wild – cries of ‘Chinola, Chinola’, women fainting, the opposition looked poleaxed. It was a decisive blow from which they never recovered. In fact, it was a blow quite a few ‘Chels were affected by. For example, EP for some reason wanted his goal struck from the records – hence, I have not mentioned it.

Anyway, nuff said. It should be added that there were excellent performances all around from the newbies – especially Chris Allen and ‘Kings Head’ Dave. And Tom Taw – whose new book is now available from all good stores – should be proud of yet another clean sheet.

Read it and weep, Wayne ! I for one most certainly believe in Santa Claus now.

© 2004 Kenchels FC, all rights reserved. For more information contact support@kenchels.com.