2004-5 Season
Lefty gets it right, at last…
The world’s most one-sided Kenchel, Chris ‘Lefty’ Morgan, has stunned fellow ‘Chels by heading North to find love and a new life in Birmingham of all places.
Of course, he will not be taking a direct route. Given his directional imbalance, Lefty will be crabbing around to Brum via Cambridge, Peterborough, Leicester and Walsall.
It came as no surprise to those in the know to find him a-courting – since he has a fair bit of court experience, on both sides of the dock.
Going straight has always proved difficult for him. He would start out on the left for the Bibless Wonders of Twyford Sports Centre but, shortly after winning the ball, you could guarantee he’d be playing on the right.
As EP confided to me once: ‘That guy plays like he has two left feet. He’ll be twice as good as Stevie B.’
The contractual arrangements were quickly resolved (Lefty paid us in pints of Pride, consumed by EP and Newbods in copious amounts at the R&LP). Shortly afterwards, Lefty began his illustrious ‘Chels career.
He comes from a long line of left-wingers – his middle names ‘Vladimir Illich’ give a clue to his famous great-great-grandfather, a man renowned for his revolutionary approach to corner-kicks. Not surprisingly, Chris is also a member of the Red Army and worships fellow left-footer Ryan Giggs.
For a guy so one-sided, Lefty remains a remarkably balanced individual. Quiet, self-effacing and always willing to wander aimlessly around midfield, Chris is a true gentleman ‘Chel.
He missed his share of sitters on the five-a-side pitch at Twyford. Now it is his turn to be sorely missed in the old Red Lion & Pineapple of a Wednesday night.
Good luck, Lefty! Let’s hope you’ve finally found Miss Right. Sorry, I mean Left.
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